So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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