Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
