yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
