i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
