There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
