remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I love you. Go after that dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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