Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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