What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
