yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
