he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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