how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
