You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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