i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
