So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
