I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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