so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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