So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
