Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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