I'm really into asian looking animals
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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