she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
