The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
