remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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