alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
