how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
