I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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