And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
kristin has been a bad kristin
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
