I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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