I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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