I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
