R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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