Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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