So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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