Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
