I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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