i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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