I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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