Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
FUCK WHALES
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
