If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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