you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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