told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
