i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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