well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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