a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
