What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
