My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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