You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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