haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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