It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
