I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no, he came in my armpit
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
