she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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