Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you made out with another girl for some wings
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
