youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
