I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
only you would photoshop your dick
my shit smells like andre
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
