Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
