If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
