is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
