it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
