The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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