I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
