just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
