I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
