pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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