We're facebook friends in real life
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
