Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
