just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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