I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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