my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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