I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize