Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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