I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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