Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
