Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
