She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
