so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
