first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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