so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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