Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
