Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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