called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
