She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
