I cut my penus on the lid.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
