his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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