I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
40s are totally the cure
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
