Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
