Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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