It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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